The Power of No

This has weighed on me heavily for the past few months so I’ll vent/rant about it.  The Power of No, I know there’s power in it but why has it been increasingly difficult for me to move on afterwards.  Learning to say no and not feeling guilty about it is hard for me.  At one point I had no problem saying no because I didn’t have it to give.  I’ve learned over the years that people will keep asking if they know you don’t have the courage to say no.  We have finally pushed past our tough years and we had very few people who could help us when we struggled.  I have since submerged myself into financial groups and taken classes in hopes of not going down that road again.  I find joy in helping others but only people who are putting in the work but may fall a little short.  We are sometimes made to feel like we don’t help enough or support certain people in our lives.  These are the same people who sit around all day doing whatever they want while we are at work.  They don’t think enough of themselves to get a job to support their needs but expect others to sacrifice their hard-earned money.  While I know saying no is the right thing to do, it’s hard because I’m married to a man who would give his last dime.  I don’t want him to feel that I have an issue helping others.  I never want to enable an individual to remain at a standstill in their life.  That is not what I consider helping.  My philosophy is give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.  If we keep saying yes then they will have no reason to do anything different in their life.  I have witnessed an enabler who kept giving and giving out of love, so they thought.  The person on the receiving end never pushed themselves to do more because they knew they had this person to fall back on.  Then once the enabler was tired of giving the person stopped talking to them as if they didn’t appreciate anything that was done all those years.  Although I know I’m doing the right thing, I have to learn not feel so bad about it.  How can I stay ahead if I allow others to drain me?!? I pray daily for God to give me the wisdom and finances to help those who are really in need.

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We have recently had to change the people in our circle.  One of my biggest pet peeves is for someone to count my money or think my extra should go to them.  People have assumed that we have enough to cover them…whether it’s food or drinks just because they think we got it.  I am a firm believer that if you cannot afford to entertain yourself then you should stay at home.  We struggled for many years but we never burdened anyone especially for something like alcoholic beverages.  If we didn’t have the money, we didn’t go.  I wish everyone would realize that partying is not a necessity.  My extra is for my household, we deserve to have any and everything we want after years of going without.  It’s difficult because these are people whose company we enjoy if they didn’t have any expectation of us.  It makes one wonder if they only deal with us because they can mooch or if they actually enjoy our company.  Our hope is that everyone will position themselves to have what they need and not depend on others.  Those that do the right thing but fall short, we will gladly be there to catch them. 

Invest in those that are willing to put in the work.  Don’t sacrifice your hard work for those who aren’t sacrificing for themselves.  Say no and don’t feel bad about it.  There is Power in the word NO.  

Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you have certain requirements on who you can/will help?

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